Mom in France

What's Up With the Socialist Primary

 

For a couple of weeks last month the country was gripped with Primary Fever.  That is, the Parti socialiste, or PS for short, was electing their candidate to run against the incumbent Nicholas Sarkozy in next year's Presidential Elections.  In the background that is the daily media input I was vaguely aware of the discussion - DSK out as candidate after his prolonged stay in New  York and primaries upcoming.  My husband called one afternoon because he had to go to a "Party meeting."  It sounded either a little ominous/cold war or like he was getting ready for Hallowe'en.  But no - a lifelong SP supporter, he was going to hear about the preparations for the Primary elections and to volunteer his services at the poll on election days.

For those of you in the US watching the Republicans beginning to duke it out to run against Obama in 2012, this may not seem like a big deal.  However, the primary is a relatively new concept in France, introdcued by the PS for the presidential election of 2006.  This year, the candidates from the party held a series of debates that were so polite and tame compared to what we see in the US (on both sides of the left/right divide).  It reminded me of this old musical live performances videos from the late 50s and early 60s - rockin' tune but everybody, on-stage and off, very polite.

The PS primary of 2006 elected Segolene Royal to run against Sarkozy.  This primary was only open to registered party members and about 100K people voted (in a country of 60 million people).  The reason is that the political party structure in France is much more fragmented than in the US or UK - in 2006 there were 18 candidates for president from across the political spectrum.  Voting is held in two rounds - the first to select the two candidates with the highest number of votes and a run-off for the majority.  Usually, but not always, the elections result in candidates from the center-right and center-left parties in the final election and with the other parties supporting.  

This year, the PS did a brilliant PR gambit and called their primary the Citizen's Primary and opened the vote to anyone registered to vote in France with the stipulation that they donate 1 euro and sign a registration form saying that they adhere to the values put forth by the Party.  Sounds quaint, but it worked - nearly 3 million people voted, mostly from the left.  This number of participants gave the candidates and the party much more credibility and it became much more of a national political event which dominated the news cycle for nearly two weeks.

The result of this new process was not dramatic:  the voters selected François Hollande to run against Sarkozy.  Hollande is a longtime Party executive and the former partner of Segolene Royal.  He was her campaign manager in the last election.  The only surprises happened in the first elimination round - Royal was routed with only 7% or 188K votes and in 4th place behind Hollande, Parti president Martine Aubry and Royal's former spokesperson Arnaud Montebourg who surprised the media by gaining 17% of the votes cast.

Hollande and the PS now has the advantage of having a very public and very successful primary and he can now actively start (though slowly) running for President.  Meanwhile, on the other side of the aisle, the assumed candidate for the right, current president Sarkozy said last night on TV that he has  "job to do" and can not worry about getting elected.

Moving to France? Some Books that Helped Me

Are you moving to France?  Dreaming about it?  Already have moved and wondering what the heck you've gotten yourself into? 

At some point, I said yes to each of those questions.  Being a reader, I sought out solace and advice in books.  I didn't really know it then, but there are A LOT of books on being an expat, and more specifically, being an (anglo-saxon) expat in France.  So many people have trod the path for us, and many of those have written memoirs or handy guides.  Below are some that helped me along the way.

Readers that are living in France:  Do you have any to add that particularly entertained you or helped you in some way?  Please share in the comments! 

 

1. Paris to the Moon, by Adam Gopnik

Even if you don't move to Paris or live abroad, Adam Gopnik's memoir of  his time in Paris writing for the New Yorker is so entertaining.  He captured for me both the magic of Paris and was open about some of the humiliations he suffered while trying to navigate life in a foreign land.  My favorite episodes are trying to procure a Thanksgiving turkey, his adventures in medicine (including the birth of his child) and his essay on the profession of restaurant waitservice.

 

 

 

 

 

 

2. Almost French, by Sarah Turnbull

Like Sarah Turnbull, I too moved to France after falling in love with a frenchman.  Her memoir of her first years in Paris is so down-to-earth chronicling her impressions, frustrations and discoveries as she tried to integrate into French life.  This book above all spoke to me in a personal way as someone who had been there, done that.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

3. A Year in Provence, by Peter Mayle

Of course I had to finally read it.  I remember that as a student all the older people coming in to buy this book to fantasize.  (I'm the Older now).  From my high stool behind the counter reading one of the hard classics I looked down on those people, but what the heck - I was living in France after all.  And you know what?  The book is a witty account of living in a foreign land before the anglo-saxons arrived in droves.  His book may seem obvious now but he's really the one who started a genre and I still learned somethings about the French along the way.

 

For those who work with French people and who just don't get it - these are for you. Both these business-school books are very expensive - you might be able to find them used or in a library.  Or if you have a rich employer maybe you can expense the purchase :-)

 

 

 

 

 

 

4. French Management - Elitism in Action by Jean-Louis Barsoux and Peter Lawrence

The key to French Management is it's subtitle - I was already experiencing that it in a visceral way and could not understand why I wasn't being taken seriously.  Reading this book helped me understand why and this understanding helped me figure out what to do (in my case - it was change jobs!).  The book explains the education system, French cultural attitudes towards power, hierarchy, gender and money and how these characteristics inform french management behaviors. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

5. Managing Across Cultures by Susan Schneider and Jean-Lous Barsoux 

Managing Across Cultures was one of the most fascinating and encouraging books I read in getting ready to live and work in another country.  While I had worked in very mixed environments in California and Boston it was the job of the foreigners to fit in.  Now I was the foreigner and was trying to figure out my place. However, even though France was a mystery, living in Europe means living in a truly multi-cultural environment and people need to be able to easily adapt.  This book helped me understand that, and helped me understand my own specifically American tendencies and how they may be perceived by other cultures. 

 

A note to readers: All the books link to Amazon.com via a dedicated Mom In France link.  If you buy one of these books by clicking on the link, THANK YOU, because you just helped pay my hosting fees for the year. Also - please be aware you don't pay anything extra by purchasing through the link - Amazon is sharing a *tiny* amount with me for the privilege of you buying from them.

 

 

Expat Women: Confessions

 

In a couple of weeks it will be 9 years since I first arrived in France.  As Fall arrives here with it's cooler temperatures and back-to-school mentality I easily reminisce about those early months.  In some ways, every fall feels like that first year - there's something about the smell of the air and the light that remind me of that tumultuous period of my life when I left my urban single-girl life behind and landed in France to move in with my then-boyfriend now husband.

Becoming an expat is a different experience for everybody.  For me, becoming an expat was part of committing to my relationship and starting a new life with someone.  I was doing a lot at once!  Like most major life changes, it was hard.  In moving to France, I really had no idea what I was getting myself into or how I would be changed.  I'm glad, too, because if I'd known it would take me 18 months to feel even remotely like myself then I would never have done it.  And I don't regret it.  At all.  I love where I live, my family, my community. It just took me awhile to get there.

Earlier this spring with Expat Women: Confessions came out and the offered bloggers to review with an advance copy I took the offer.  It took me only until now to write about because I find it really hard to talk about those first days with any coherency.  My brain falls back into the chaos that was that time. It was as if I was an adolescent all over again (and not in a good way).  The awkwardness, always saying the wrong thing, dressed not quite right, lost in the cultural cues and just sheer exhaustion of trying to take it all in and rebuild my identity (Am I American?  An Expat?  Will I ever be "French" enough?).  Over time, I did sort it out.  But some days were rough going.

I'm very glad that there are others that can write about the expat experience with fluency and authority.  I'll admit that at first I was put off by the Question/Answer nature of the book, but in the end I found it easy and interesting to read and the authors are so empathetic and practical that if you ever find yourself an expat, then I would definitely read this book. I wish I had this book when I was first an expat but even after several years the advice and more importantly the supportive voice of the book was encouraging, even now.  Oh yeah - now I remember why I did it.  Because living abroad, despite the challenges, has made my life more rich and interesting.

 

 

Fall is in the Air!

Folks have been posting from various nothern hemisphere climes that they "smell fall."  On the Riviera fall comes late for being so far north, something that continually suprises me.  Temperatures are still in the high 70s during the day and it has hardly rained since late July. 

Yesterday, though, it did rain.  Enough for an early morning scramble in the garden to pick up all the chair cushions and close the top on the 2CV (dang!).  The afternoon was more clear and we decided to take the kids for a walk to the Village (Little Guy: "chocolat chaud! chocolat chaud!")

Boo wanted to run!

We ate late-season blackberries growing on the side of the road, chatted with acquaintances as they drove by, walked all the way down to the village, visited an art exhibit, the empty church and found ourselves on the central sqaure for the second time that day.  It was early evening, around 6:30pm, and the post-rain air was cooler.  A wind was coming up as the light waned and I noticed that people were wearing jeans or long-sleeved shirts.  Gone were the skimpy, sunlight exposing, clothes of only a week ago. I promised a treat and though we didn't have hot chocolate, I bought an orange juice to share and a glass of beer for me.  However, the beer needed something.  A good, hot plate of fries.  Not exactly Riviera but so what?  The evening called for it.

 
 
  

 

 

In the News in France: Galliano and the "Coke Tax"

So Galliano was convicted yesterday of officially, legally, being an A-hole and anti-semite after his drunken rage and arrest 6 months ago that cost him at least his job if not career and reputation.  However, it seems the court took pity on him and only fined him 6,000 eur (8340 usd) and no prison time.  I'm sure the fashion of french prisoners would improve if he were on site!  However, I guess they figured that he had suffered enough and had tried to make some kind of social amends by spending two months in rehab.  He said that he was intoxicated with alcohol, valium and sleeping pills the night of his arrest and didn't even remember his rant which was caught on camera. From a news coverage standpoint I saw more comment in the US press than in France though today his confreres are rallying to him with folks coming out of the woodwork to give comments and wish him well.

In other news, last month the Prime Minister announced a new tax on sugary, non-alcoholic drinks (aka soda) as part of the government's "austerity measures" and as a way to fund a public health campaign against rising obesity (yes, the scourge is here too).  From Atlanta, Coca-cola responded that they would have to "re-examine" their upcoming investments in France, namely a major retrofit of a factory in the southern part of the country the employs 100s of people.  There was a major outcry from unions and the government and press alike.  Why?  Because the tax in question is only .01 euro cent per cannette.  Hardly enough to harm Coca-cola's business or the industry in general.  The fun, apparently, will be just enough to print up some posters and other campaign materials encouraging people to eat smart.  And I wonder - what percentage of a 1 euro can of Coke is the marketing budget if it's manufacturer?  WAY more than 1 cent, I'm sure.  Which seems to me that the whole thing is a bit lame - the government will not raise enough money from the tax to have any real impact and they just annoy a major employer.  If they REALLY want to be serious about combating obesity then my advice is to take on the major grocery chains who sell all that junk.  But no - Carrefour is probably untouchable in France.

So, what else is new?

 

Fancy Restaurants with Kids

Occassionally I get asked by foreigners planning a Franch vacation if the restaurants are kid-friendly.  I always say yes - we often eat out with our kids.   However, on our last visit to the U.S., I realize that people perhaps have something else in mind.  High-chairs and booster seats.  Crayons and kid menus.  Perhaps a "family section."  Diaper changing station in the bathroom. 

If that's what's expected then half the time there will be disappoinment.  However, I find that restaurants are always accommodating. Where there are no high chairs, they stack two to make a higher seat.  Many restaurants have diaper changing stations, especially in tourist areas.  Child menus (hamburger, chicken nuggets) are rampant. We often eat out at kid-friendly places but sometimes I want something different besides pasta or pizza.

Recently I had Boo for the day and decided to treat ourselves to a quiet and delicious lunch.  I picked  Restaurant Bleu Lavande outside Valbonne.  I had never eaten there and wanted to try something new.  It seemed interesting because it is a restaurant specializing in seafood and they have a philosophy of buying organically farmed fish locally from a fishery in Cannes and where possible use organic ingredients and provide organic wines.

This was not a "kid-friendly" restaurant.  No child menu.  No high chairs. We made do with the booster from the car and Boo ate just like everybody else - the lunch menu of filet de Dorade and a dessert of sorbet.  He drank a limonade and charmed the retirees who had come to dine.  We talked of fire trucks and our upcoming vacation.  He had one small toy that kept him (mostly) occupied in between courses. I was able to enjoy a 3-course lunch and a glass of Reisling with relish - something I rarely even get at home much less in a restaurant.

Do you take your kids to restaurants?  Any specific kinds or advice?

Summer Reflection

It’s summer vacation time and that means that many of us expats are headed “home.”  While some of us are traveling in style, the moms among us are trading advice on how to survive a long-haul journey with young children in tow. Once on the other continent a whirlwind of visits, cultural overload and jetlag combine in a kind of other-planet dissonance that is both strange and fundamentally familiar. 

During my trip I often encounter many questions about what it’s like to be back. 

“How does it feel to be back?”

“What’s the hardest part about coming back?”

“What do you miss most about not living in the US?”

“Does the US seem different from the outside?”

I get asked these questions multiple times on every trip, and I never seem to have a satisfactory answer.  I never think about it in advance and unable to parse through all the various feelings, impressions, opinions, I always end up saying something lame like “fine” or “the traffic” or “chocolate milkshakes”.

After almost 9 years of living in France and making the trip at least once a year, I realize that every trip teaches me something.  And for this I’m grateful to my expat life.  Last year, I remember vividly being so inspired by how dynamic the young culture seemed to be.  Everybody seemed to be embarking on creative, entrepreneurial endeavors.  From my own brother’s sustaining podcast to restaurateurs and independent clothing designers there seemed to be such a rush creativity that seemed new and definitely not something that I had experienced in France. 

This past visit was less inspiring but what the visit taught me was that each visit is more about my state of mind than the place I’m in.  Last year I was so inspired because I was going through a similar process in my own life and was so open to see what other people were doing and sought out those kind of experiences.  This year, engulfed as we are in our home renovation, I’m less open and grasping on to things that reminded me of “home.”  I wasn’t homesick (whatever that means to me now) but I had this longing of keeping things some how “normal” and that meant how we live our life in France. 

Normally, I LOVE treating myself to all the American food I don’t eat in France.  I certainly enjoyed my share of cheeseburgers and I let my kids gorge on grilled-cheese sandwiches, chocolate chip cookies and cheerios and all sorts of not good for you but we’re on vacation type of treats and snacks.  Just below the surface though I missed my daily food types was happy to drink some French wine or buy imported cheese from Whole Foods. 

Twice service people learned that we live in France and wanted to hear Boo speak French.  He was justifiably reticent but I obliged those annoying people. Look!  We live in France! My kid speaks French!  It was a moment of proof in a mundane situation.  Otherwise, I had to work hard to purge French from my everyday speech with the kids.  I want them to speak English smoothly and that also meant cleaning up any French inflection in my English or speaking French to them directly.  It worked.  Boo came away with a smoother voice (though he still has an accent) and Little Guy, who is just learning to talk, added a lot of English words before he has learned the French equivalents.  

I don’t mean to give you the sense that I didn’t enjoy my time in the US or that I was secretly wishing I was in France – not true!   I loved every minute I spent with my family and friends and this year was special since we discovered Chicago and Madison, Wisconsin.  We left grateful for the love and friendship we felt.

I emerged the airport terminal in Nice blinking in the bright sun.  After a baby-harrowing journey I nearly cried at the beauty of the mountains, the sky and sea and reminded myself that I was home.

French School Holidays

I don't want to be one of those snarky people who joke about the French always on vacation. But...how the heck does one cope with all the school holidays?  It seems one is over and the next one is right around the corner!

It goes something like this: 

• 10 days in October around Halloween (or Toussaint, which is All Saint's Day the 1st of November.)
• 2 weeks at Christmas
• 2 weeks in the winter
• 2 weeks in the spring (Somewere around Easter)
• 2 months in summer - July and August.

Luckily, the Education Ministry figured out long before I was on the scene to stagger school holidays by region into three overlapping two-week periods.  Which means that if you are single and want to go on vacation and not be bothered by little kids then you have to wait a full month from the start to the end of the period. And if you intend to travel between the winter and spring holidays you only have little more than 3 weeks before spring holidays begin for some students.  Confusing?  Thats why they publish this handy calendar:

 
 
 

What this means is that every 6 weeks there is a two week break until the spring when they go 8 weeks (gasp!) until the two-month summer break. Seriously!

So what are you supposed to do with all this time off from the rigors of academic life?  For a 3-year old with two working parents it's not obvious.  There are LOTS of activities for 6 years and up - camps, sports, cultural classes,etc to occupy kids with working parents (or to give parents some time off during a school break period).  Boo is at the Montessori school this week and next week we are heading off with the rest of the hoards into the mountains to teach our tots how to ski. Don't ask me about spring break.

Carnaval!

It's Carnaval time around the globe and they are celebrating in Nice.  I took the boys on Saturday to soak up the energy and ambience - here are our photos.

Place Massena is the center of Carnival:

The King of Carnival
This year is themed King of the Mediterranean and he's towers over Place Massena, a big sun being pulled by sea-horses:

 

  

The Midway  was filled with rides including an amazing Ferris Wheel that towers above Nice:

 

The Park Albert 1er, on the Promenade des Anglais, was filled with decorations and performers.  It was also the staging area for the parades. 

 
 
 
 
 
 

 
Some happy boys:

   
 

 

The Carnaval de Nice (site in French) runs until March 8 - Mardi Gras - with parades on Tuesday, Wednesday, Saturdays and Sundays. 

The Key to Learning French

I often get asked the question "Was it hard to learn French?"

My answer, as a flash of the first two years of my life in France flitters by, is usually something like: "um"

And then, I try to expound on that by saying (hopefully encouragingly) that learning French was work.  I spend a year taking french lessons three times a week.  And that was after years of school French which turned out to be almost completely useless.

But there is a further truth.  The key to learning French - and what was truly difficult - was to be willing to accept / dismiss nearly constant embarrassment and humiliation in day to day communication. 

Humiliation #1: Not understanding the speaker (just Smile-and-Nod)

Truly my most stupid moment of smile-and-nod was in the Galeries Lafayette less than a month after I arrived. 

I drove into Nice (by myself!) for the official OMI medical exam that certifies that I'm OK to be a resident in France. It was a month before Christmas and although the exam itself was disorienting, I was proud that managed it without any awful scene and I was feeling good.  I decided to do some christmas shopping for my boyfriend.  I wanted to get him something special since it was our first Christmas living together so I decided to buy him a new watch.  An older man was behind the watch counter and after I made my selection (pointing and nodding) he told me I could get a discount if I signed up for the store card.  Instead of realizing this would be just too much, or even considering if I wanted a store card, I just kept on smiling and nodding.  He handed me piece of paper and told me to go to the finance office on the 5th floor.  I found my way, smiling and nodding.  There was a carpeted  office like a travel agency - desks with people behind them on the phone. I waited until one of the conseillers looked up and invited me over.  I sat on the edge of the chair, again not knowing what she was saying.  I continued to smile and nod.  She asked for my ID and other basic information.  But the key piece - a blank check with my bank information - I didn't have.  She sent me back downstairs, rejected.  I was no longer smiling and nodding but feeling defeated and bewildered.  Over something I didn't even really want to begin with.  I collected and paid for my watch without the discount, without being able to explain why.  I nodded again, and gave a half-smile and a broken "merci."

Humiliation #2: Not being understood.

This usually happened on the phone when I didn't have the accessories of facial expression or gesture to make up for what I couldn't say.  Once I ordered something that was never delivered.  My call to Customer Service went something like this:

ring ring! 

Answer and before I could speak:  NE QUITTEZ PAS!

Me:freeze.  All I hear was "quittez" then quiet.  I hang up. Do this three times before I realize this grumpy voice actually means "Please hold."

Customer Service: "Bonjour"

Me(in stilted, mangled french):  Hello, this is Karin Dodson Gignoux calling. I ordered something that never arrived.

Customer service (barking):  What's your order number?

Me (Oh god.  Numbers) : seventeen - oh one - seven hundred twenty two - eleven.

CS: What?  You're missing (garbled) numbers.

Me (trying again):  exact same thing.  just add a zero.

CS: What?  What name is it under?

Me: Gignoux

CS: is that "G" or "J"?

(in french the letter pronunciation is the opposite of english - so G is pronounced J and visa versa. I've been with E for 10 years and married for 5 and still occasionally get it wrong). 

CS: I still don't find it.

Me (almost crying):  Try DODSON.

CS:There it is!  Now what's the problem?

Me: I didn't get it.

CS: Well, it was shipped one week ago.  It should have arrived.

Me: Well, it didn't. 

CS: You need to call the shipping company.  Here is the phone number xx xx xx xx

Me: (oh god.  ANOTHER phone call?  More numbers?)

I did my best but never recuperated my lost order. 

....................................................................................................

After a while (say, two years) I realized that I was finally able to get myself understood and to understand most things.  I stopped caring as much about the mistakes.  The best is going to another country where I don't speak the language and them coming home to France where I can converse freely with the taxi driver and feel the warm glow of *home*.