*Sigh*: Pregnancy and Work

I love living in France.  I take advantage of all the social support that's out there for me: my 6 weeks of vacation, my part-time work status as mom of an under-3 year old, and my 16 weeks of maternity leave.  But underneath all this family-friendly social policy lurks capitalist reality and the pressures of corporate life.

It took me more than 6 months to find my feet and settle after coming back to work following my maternity leave with Boo.  My days were filled with boredom, disillusionment, guilt and general sense of disconnect.  Although I had a place, I had no role.  I decided to hire a career coach which helped me think about a long-term future.  And I was promoted, given a new job and new responsibilities. I became busy and more motivated.  Just when things really took off, I got pregnant.

I suffered through the pregnancy-induced exhaustion of fall and winter - busy times in my company - giving presentations, helping others, trying to make something out of this new role.  Earlier this year, I was rewarded during my annual review, receiving the highest mark possible for the first time in my 6 years here.  Although I was continuing my career coaching looking to change my job long-term, it was so satisfying to see that I had managed to do better than great which somehow validated a SuperMom status:  Healthy son, pregnant, working 4 days a week and STILL able to excel at work.  With this I decided to negotiate for a promotion - last chance before my maternity leave.

Shortly after, recession reality set in.  No raises company-wide. Annual bonuses but we should be grateful. And the kicker: no promotions.  I was so disappointed because it seemed as if all my hard work and struggle to balance everything was for nothing.  Then a ray of hope: some exceptions could be made for promotions.  I made my case to my manager.  He held a talk with the division director who told him, bluntly, that he didn't want to promote me now since I was pregnant and I wouldn't be around the rest of the year.  A little time passed and I had another reason to try again. Same answer.

It was a repeat of what I experienced upon leaving with the first pregnancy- my immediate manager left and I expressed an interest in the role, only to have it go to a co-worker after I left several months later. 

It's so demoralizing and unfair.  And like most of the other working women I know, we just swollow it - feeling powerless to do anything about it.

Comments

[Bill W]

FWIW, expectant moms don't have a monopoly on career-limiting virtue.

What basis do *any* of us have to expect that hard work will be rewarded? The financial crisis and subsequent bailouts (and subsequent abuses) is just the latest evidence that the hive mind of business serves only itself; it harbors no concept of fairness or the greater good. If you got screwed over, good! It means you're not yet fully accepted, and you can still live free--albeit modestly, perhaps.

MiF, I for one am cheered that you remain un-assimilated though successful. tOADFLAX forever.

[parisienne mais presque]

I hear you. I guess I feel like the investment you make in your family is more of a sure thing that the investment you make in your career -- the old "what will you most regret on your deathbed" thing -- but it is a little bit sad to realize that your career basically has to take a back seat while your children are young.

I know there have to be trade offs. But I am the daughter of a feminist (two, really), I went to a women's college and grew up thinking that you could have it all. Now I wonder if that message doesn't do our daughters a disservice.

[Mom In France]

@Isabelle: I guess I'm whining a bit. I mean, I think I'd love to have it both ways, right?

In given the choices that I have, I put my pregnancy and parenthood first and do my best at my career under those circumstances. I'm grateful for the opportunity that I have for a long maternity leave, and legal part-time status - something that's nearly unheard of in the US.

I don't want to sacrifice those early weeks and months with my family and new son for my job.

On the otherhand, I wish I would be rewarded and recognized for the work I have done, which I've done in the past, and don't feel that I should have to kill myself or even "prove" myself. In my opinion, I've already done that.

My attitude at first was to remain motivated and to really kick a** during these months before the birth and to delay my departure as late as possible. However, since the message is clear that there will be no promotion this time around, and I was really beginning to wig out I've decided to go the more traditional route.

I think what really bugged me was that the reason given was the pregnancy (I guess I should be glad that it was honest, but still), rather than a real reason tied to the business or my performance.

[Isabelle]

Well, do you know that you don't have to take your whole maternity leave?
If this promotion is so important for you, then show it to your boss by making it clear that you'll be back sooner than planned and that you are really motivated for the job...

Many women do that! The best famous example being Rachida Dati, who only took 5 days off...
I know this example is extreme, but since your career is so important for you, just do it!