How We Found our Nounou

A quick note: I'm glad I'm not the only one who has been a bit slow or light posting with the onset of Christmas season.  I think about it everyday but with added activities it's been impossible to keep it up.  I miss it though!

I've been discussing with a bunch of people lately the in's and out's and anxieties of finding childcare in France (and in general)  Finally I just decided, dang-it, I'll write it down!  We knew from the get-go that we'd hire an assistante maternelle or 'nounou' which is a kind of shared nanny. They are certified, under contract and are limited to having no more than three children per day in their care.  I don't know much about the other options (chreche, private nanny, halte garderie, etc.)

It occurred to me in late June when Boo was 3 months old that I needed to stop dreaming my days away (yeah, right!) and begin the search for childcare.  My leave was due to end in 6 weeks and I hadn't even started. I'll admit that I'm not very good at these official sort of things and although I didn't exactly put it off until the last minute I definitely wasn't that organized for such an important decision. Also, although my french-speaking abilities are fine, I hate having to call people that I don't know, especially those in official-type jobs.  So I did my old fall back, and make my husband call the local branch of Protection Maternel et Infantile (PMI) which provides a range of services to mothers and children including clinic-style health care, lactation consultants, children's activities and provides a listing service of childcare providers.  They gave him a list of about 10 certified assistantes maternelles that had let them know they had opening.

One hot morning while Boo was asleep I started calling.  I become progressively worried as each number I called had already filled their slot for the 1st of September which to me still seemed far away.

On the advice of a friend, I contacted another local service, the Relais Assitante Maternelle.  This smaller organization is focused just on needs of parents and nounous providing training, advice and documents to both.  The local office here is only open part-time with one staff member.  The first time my husband and I tried to go together at lunch time and we couldn't even find it, even though we had a map!  A week later I tried again during a sweltering afternoon.  I approached just as the counselor was closing up.  She eyed the stroller and knew I was coming to see her.  She explained that she was closing.  I sounded as pitiful as possible and explained that it took my two times to find her.  She unlocked the tiny office and  let us in just for a moment.  I explained I was seeking a nounou for 4 days per week.  She had only one listing that was different from the PMI list.  She also gave me some brochures that explained about the CAF benefits and I made an appointment to come back. 

When I did, the counselor walked me through my role as the contracting parent including an important point:  Unlike in other types of services where one party contracts for a service that another provides, with a nounou, even a shared one, she acts as the parent's employee.  Which means that the nounou falls under French employment law.  She earns paid vacations and holidays, pays taxes (as do we) and we have to produce a salary statement at the end of every month.  Luckily, the CAF pays the taxes on our behalf (otherwise, who would do it?) plus a subsidy to offset the cost.  In addition, the salary filing and the CAF payments are completely automated online. Once my CAF account was setup (not super easy, see my post), I could register with URSSAF which is processes the monthly statement.  I enter the days worked and the salary and it generates the statement and sends it to the nounou via mail.

Now armed with all the official information, I called my remaining number. She still had a slot available and we made an appointment to see her the following evening.  That night I realized that I need to know what kind of things to ask.  I know it might sound naive, but I was so disconcerted by finding someone who was available that I hadn't really sat down and thought what I wanted in a provider.  Perhaps I've become a bit anesthetized.  I remember reading in the "What to expect..." book about making the "birth plan," and thinking "Yeah, right."  That would definitely not go over in France.  You have to be pushy to get what you want, but I can't imaging handing a piece of paper to my doctor and saying Do This.  The same with other things -- you often just get what you get.  Still, with the nounou was going to be our employee, looking after Boo four days per week.  We had better at least know what we wanted in our ideal nounou.  I wrote this list of thoughts and questions:

• No TV as entertainment
• How long has she been certified?
• What's the typical day?
• What about outings? (park, etc)
• Flexibility in time/hours?
• Vacations?
• Does she have her own small children (which are in addition to the three child limit)?

When we met with the nounou the following day I was dismayed to see a HUGE flat-screen TV.  An acquisition for the 2006 soccer World Cup.  But, she explained that she never used it for the children and only occasionally turned it on to watch the news at midday.  She showed us her house which was conveniently on our way to and from work.  The house was typical Provencal ranch-style with plastered walls and a tiled roof.  The house was solid middle-class and besides the giant TV very down to earth.  They had a huge organic vegetable garden, kept rabbits, turtles and birds and had a big open but secure space outside to play. She explained her philosophy was to create a calm environment for the children and to respect their needs and schedules.  She made a room for each child to nap in, and let them play in a common space.  During our visit, we could feel things "click."

She gave us references, which my husband followed up on.  I started putting the contract together (something I do in my professional life) using models I found online.  I took Boo over to visit two or three times before our vacation at the end of July to let him get used to the place and to finalize the contract details.  It was on this first visit that my reticence about leaving him there four days a week vanished.  He was in his carrier, watching everything, when the other two kids came down from their naps. They were both in the range of 2 years old, and were captivated by a baby.  One of them tried to give a toy, and when Boo saw her he dropped his pacifier from his mouth and smiled.  She tried to give it back to him which made him laugh in a way I'd never heard.  This went on for a couple of more minutes with him interacting with other children for the first time.  I realized in this moment that I was happy for him to be here.  Because things had clicked with the nounou, I wasn't hesitant about her, but still I was anxious to be leaving Boo.  But now watching him interact with these kids, I realized that it would be good for him.

We finalized the terms of the contract and departed for our vacation secure that things were settled.  The first day of work arrived and I had the foresight to know that it would be Papa to take Boo to the nounou.  I'm not sure I could have let him go.  This turned out to be a wise thing, and I was relieved to arrive in the evening to see him comfortable and happy.

Comments

[Parisienne Mais Presque]

Thank you for this post, and for your emails! Today I'm meeting with a woman who is interested in sharing a nanny for a garde partagée, and I am so nervous, I can't begin to describe it. If things go well and I get a good feeling for this person and her home, we'll still have to start the delicate process of actually finding the nanny. And I, too, hate making phone calls, especially here in France. At least we'll be in this together.

I'm hoping le Petit will appreciate having another kid his age around. The other baby will be five months old and le Petit eight months when I go back to work in March.

I'm thinking more and more that I'll go back only four days a week, though, because otherwise the separation will be too difficult. I like my job well enough, but if I don't find the right balance, it will be torture.