To Schedule? and Le Pediatre Militant

It's amazing how quickly we forget.  Boo is only 7 months old and already I have a hard time remembering -- did he start teething at two months? At three? And when was it that he really began to sleep through the night?  Last week I visited two friends who are each new moms.  Their sons, born two weeks apart, are just going on two months old.  We spent an afternoon drinking tea, ooh-ing and ahh-ing over the babies and talking about what babies' moms talk about : Sleeping, eating and pooping.  I had to dig deep to remember what Boo was doing at 2 months.  It seems so long ago!

Any-hoo, all three of us share the same pediatrician.  Our pediatrician is an attractive 50-ish year old woman who dresses like Audrey Hepburn in Roman Holiday.  I used to arrive at her office, sleep-deprived  and disheveled but proud because I was on time, only to be greeted by Dr. Hepburn, queen in disguise.   Once I got beyond the look, I realized that she is much more harried than I.  She has a single practice and supports population spreading over a 10-mile radius.  Her office is not in a clinic or medical center, and she doesn't have a receptionist.  This means that every two minutes the phone rings with some worried parent (I've been that parent) with their own immediate problems.  The result is that the visit is an unfocused whirlwind of weighing and measuring and vaccinations.  It's up to the parents to be sure no mistakes are made.

Part of the pediatrician's job is to educate the parents when there are questions about sleeping/eating/pooping and other developmental wonders. At two months she gives a standard speech (I know it's standard because my friends all got the same one) about babies eating and sleeping cycles. 

"Babies need to eat at 6-10-2-6 OR at 7-11-3-7.  They will sleep in between each feeding."  She even drew a little chart in Boo's Carnet de Santé under 2 months that described his supposed sleep behavior.

I remember feeling so grateful for instruction and such clear direction. I asked a question about the night time only to be told that we'd cover that at 3 months.  I went home happy ... until I actually tried to implement her instructions. 

Boo absolutely didn't want to eat every four hours.  He wanted to eat every 3 hours. He didn't want to eat 10 minutes one side, 10 minutes the other.  It took him at least an hour to eat.   He didn't sleep like she said:  he generally fought sleep during the day unless he was in his car seat.  I spent many hours pushing him in his stroller in circles around our yard.  I also would go for drives during midday to get him to sleep.

Her instruction seemed so simple and she made it clear that ALL babies need this sleep and will do it. I felt like a failure.  I spent two desperate weeks trying and failing, trying and failing.  Finally a friend lent me a book about putting a baby on a schedule.  I concluded that I simply did not agree with the writer about the rigidity of the schedule, and even she conceded that with breast-fed babies it's a bit more haphazard.  However, I did take some advice to try to implement some routines, especially around night. 

I began to wait until 6pm to feed Boo.  Between 5:30 - 6pm he would begin to get fussy but we would listen to music and dance, or take a walk in the yard.  Just before 6pm we'd go to his cool, dark room (it was summer) and change into pj's.  By 6pm he'd eat, and around 7pm he would finish and be just drowsy enough to get into the bed.

I remember the first day that I tried this and it worked. I was so proud of us!  And so relieved that I could fix and eat dinner with my husband in peace for the first time in 3 months.

In the following months, I've received other speeches from Dr. Hepburn, but instead of blindly following, I take her advice along with the rest that I receive and then decide for myself.

Comments

[Erica]

Ha ha! I believe we also share your pediatre and I was given the same schedule, which I completely ignored. I've come to like her & how she treats illnesses, but you're right -- trust your instinct.

[Parisienne Mais Presque]

Ah, yes, France is having a baby boom, and alas, there aren't nearly enough pediatricians! I'm pretty happy with ours (even though he is routinely an hour or so late for appointments), and very glad that he isn't rigid about baby schedules. I'm all for setting a routine, especially around bedtime, but I think that nursing schedules are utter nonsense. Le Petit knows better than I if he is hungry or thirsty. What's more, I think that the fact that he eats every two to three hours during the day helps him sleep an impressive ten to twelve hours at night, so I sure as heck am not going to change anything. ;)

A puericultrice that I trust at the hospital where I gave birth maintains that schedules are more for the convenience of parents than the wellbeing of babies. I guess that, at least for le Petit, I've come to the same conclusion.