Mom in France

End of Summertime

Boo does not know that Summertime (aka Daylight Savings Time) has ended.  He was welcomed into the world the afternoon before Summertime was ushered in on April 1st and for both him and me the original adjustment was negligible.  Time didn't exist for us in those early days. 

Now, however, we have a Schedule and a Routine.  At around 3 months of age our pediatrician told me that it was time to put him on a schedule, at least during the day.  I was more interested in a schedule at night!  For two weeks I struggled to follow her advice to no avail.   Then, suddenly, it all fell into place.  He ate on a 4-hour rotation 6-10-2-6-10, then slept the rest of the way through the night.  Over time the routine has become more established, and so are his own rhythms.  He rarely sleeps until 6am, no matter if I try to adjust the routine by feeding/sleeping a little later or trying to eliminate a nap.  He will readjust to a postponed schedule and only become very unhappy if I eliminate sleep during the day.  I respect that he has his own way of doing things, even at this early age.  I guess I can say that because he sleeps through the night and I'm not crazy with months of broken sleep. 

I am spoiled by his predictability.  This morning, first workday since summertime ended and we were up at 4:30 am.  Ugh.  And yet:  I knew last night when I crashed into bed that he would wake up early.  My father-in-law scared the bejeezus out of me by telling me about a program on the news that said it takes children 3 weeks (!!!) to recover from the time change.  I sincerely hope this is not true.  My hope is that the rule works more like jet-lag; it takes the same number of days as number of hour of difference to adjust.  In this case 1.  So hopefully by tomorrow we'll be back on track.

5 Years in France

Fall has finally arrived.  The days are much shorter and we are having our first gloomy days of rain.  The wet permeates everything and the low dark clouds extend the night.  I had the first experience yesterday of picking up and dropping off Boo in the rain.  He'll be 7 months old next week -- I guess that says something about our arid Mediterranean climate.

Yesterday I met with the consultant for my company that processes all the expat visas.  It's a momentous year:  5 years in France.  It seems both short and long.  The calendar allows me to apply for a long-term, 10-year Carte de Residence -- a kind of green card. The pile of papers I had to submit (originals + 2 copies!) was an inch thick.  My residence in France is due to my employment -- lucky me! -- not my marriage, but they still asked for all the family papers, "just in case."  On Tuesday, for the 5th and last time for a long time, I will drive the Prefecture de Nice to pick up my Visa.

I have been hesitating to post in the last week.  I've been thinking a lot about this anniversary:  Where I came from, where I am now, who I was then, what's changed, what hasn't.

For the first year I wondered if I'd made a mistake.  My relationship with E was rocky, work wasn't what I'd hoped, I didn't speak the language or understand the nuances of the culture.  There were periods when I thought it wouldn't work out and in the back of my mind made contingency plans -- how much money did I have saved?  Where would I go? 

Every day was new in a raw sense.  Everyday had challenges of relationship, place, language & custom that had to be deciphered and unraveled.  I slept a lot.  Work was discouraging because it was something that I had relied upon in the past when other areas of my life were tumultuous.  But here I had the same problems.  I new corporate culture with unwritten rules that I simply didn't understand.  It took me nearly two years to finally get it.  I guess, in this case, I wasn't a quick study.

When did things turn around?  Just after the 1st year anniversary we went back the the US for Christmas.  I had a week of relaxation among my family, where I could finally take a full breath, get all the jokes, not have to translate (or try to anyway).  E fit in well with my family and for the first time in months I had a really good time with him.  I relaxed and trusted him again and this goodwill carried into the second year, and, slowly things got better and a new me emerged.

Now, I feel confident in my status of expat, someone belonging to two cultures.  But 5 years is not long enough to forget the trials of the early days (and I hope I don't!) or the life that I left behind.

Game 7!

  After the chaotic Tour de France (how can I even remain a fan?), and the disappointing results of the french team in the rugby World Cup, I have all my hopes pinned on a Red Sox victory in the World Series.  Even from far away, we're showing our spirit!

So....

GOOOOOOOOO SOX!

The Bed

When I moved to France I couldn't wait to fill my house and closet with all things french.  But I quickly  realized that not only did I not want that, I didn't even know where to shop.  I'd been spoiled by the  urban upscale mall.  Where was Williams-Sonoma?  Pottery Barn? Gap?  All gone!  Sure, half of what is sold at Williams-Sonoma is french, but guess what?  It's all custom-made for them and not actually available in France.  I was disorienting at first.  And then liberating! Oh, don't get me wrong.  I tried.  I spent hours online seeking for brand names I knew. At some point I gave up accepted my new shopping reality.  Which isn't so bad, really.  I can still get Prada shoes if I want.

But then there are times when I wish for the old, known ways of doing things.  When imagining the Boo's room, the bed is front and center.  We were lucky that we could use the bassinet of my husband's family.  It meant that we could put off the purchase for 6 months.  But all along I would fantasize about what to get.  I'm sure if I still lived in the US, I would get something like this:

If I thought I could be really hip (and with lots of money to spend on baby crap) I might get something like this:

These were not options.  As I shopped, I was disheartened.  I thought I might be able to find something a bit like the modern one since this style of furniture is popular.  However, not in baby-land!  Everything I found just looked cheesy.  And expensive for the quality.  I decided to go really basic and try for all white (easy to clean!)

For the crib itself, I figured I would end up at IKEA, though I was dreading the 1.5 hour trip.  It was my husband who finally talked me into looking one sunday, and we found what I wanted.  Something basic.  White.  All hardwood with multiple mattress heights and one movable siderail and made in the EU, not shipped from Asia.  Also we found a decently-priced firm latex mattress.  We bought it at Carrefour, the Walmart of France and a place I rarely go.  Here it is:

I splurged on the bumper in a cool shop in Cannes, Le Phare de la Baleine (The Whale Lighthouse).  The sleepsack is Petit Bateau.  When we put it all together and put Boo in it, he was delighted.  More room to move around and he loves the sleepsack.  It worked out great, and it was easy.  Like a lot of my first things in France, it's easy to look back and wonder what I was so anxious about.  Of course everything seems obvious in retrospect.

First Foods!

Here it is -- the first food!  Like babies everywhere, Boo is having applesauce.  And yes, I made it myself, thank you very much.

Actually, it wasn't that obvious.  Most people I know start out with jarred food and baby cereal.  Why not?  It's convenient and nutritious.  They do not have salt or sugar added. Organic food, though not widely available, is not difficult to find.  And yet.  My first visit to the grocery to study the baby food was to research the baby cereal.  I was confused on that topic.  I know that in the US, baby cereal is often the first food because it's fortified with iron.  My what-to-give-when guide provided by the french health ministry has two rankings: possible and recommended. It shows cereal as possible as early as four months (fed through the bottle), but it is never recommended.  The recommended french baby diet is a diverse mix of vegetables, fruits, yogurt, and bread and meats added to the existing milk (breast or formula).  Bring on the baguettes at 9 months! Standing in the aisle of the too-brightly lit supermarket with an array of choices in front of  me I found myself able to choose:  Just skip the whole thing. I am wary of the massive food corporations deciding what goes into my child's food (even if it's nutritionally sound).  Here in France the two big groups are Danone (Dannon in the US), and Nestle (owners of Gerber). The baby cereals are filled with artificial flavorings (vanilla, chocolate, honey) that I don't want Boo to taste just yet.  The jarred food was more straightforward and acceptable, but I have a deep distrust of food that has to be marketed with cartoon characters.  It just seems cynical that they can't market the food as food.

I decided to not to do the baby cereal at all, and focus on the fruit and vegetable part of the diet before diversifying.  It made sense.  We don't eat much processed or prepared foods ourselves.  We are members of our local community-supported agriculture group.  In the summer we make our own jams. And I like to cook. So it made sense to me that I would take the time to make the first foods Boo eats. 

This week I've found the limitations of that approach.  Last week I bought a 3 kilo bag of organic apples to make into applesauce.  I washed, peeled, cored & chopped the apples.  I cooked them and froze portions in ice cube trays.  So far so good.  But then I tasted my applesauce.  It's tart instead of sweet and now I have 3 weeks worth.  I tried giving it to Boo, and he puckers his face but mostly eats it.  It goes down better if I mix it with carrots so I guess this batch will be for mixing: with carrots, banana, etc.  I wonder if spinach and apple go together?  Then there is the time commitment.  Last night on my way home from work I picked up a kilo bag of organic carrots (and frozen peas and spinach).  Tonight I will have the fun job of peeling, cooking, steaming, pureeing and freezing this wholesome yumminess.  Will I be able to keep up?

Stay tuned...

Changes!

All the parenting advice tell us to introduce new changes gradually, and that the routine is sacred, not something to mess around with.  I hear stories of baby-meltdowns when major disruptions take place.  I think it may be from laziness rather than some sort of parenting philosophy, but I lean more towards a baby-led rather than because-the-calendar-says-so approach with changes.  So I was very conscientious with introducing two big changes around the 6-month mark:  solid foods, and move from the bassinet to a crib. 

Both went so smoothly that I realized that this advice is not so much meant for the children, for whom every day is new and different, but for the parents whose children morph in front of their eyes and barely have time to adjust to one development change before a new one starts.  It was me who was dreading the change to food -- the rearrangement of the kitchen to accommodate a high-chair, the added time to prepare food, the anxiety over what to give when, and the myriad values-based choices (homemade or store-bought?  Organic or regular?)   And with the bed I reacted as when I have any new major furniture change; I just need to spend some time in the space to adjust to seeing it there.  Boo took it all with equanimity.  Food he likes (so far!), and the in bed he actually seems happier.

What next?